


The Big Write: WTF did we do (crack)

by Medusa (sadistic_despair)



Category: BlazBlue, Diabolik Lovers, Food Fantasy (Video Game), Ozmafia!! (Visual Novel), Vocaloid, 第五人格 | Identity V (Video Game)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Fuka's name in this is Sinnamonfuck, Not serious at all, OOC, Other, Very OOC, crackfic, nonserious, small character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadistic_despair/pseuds/Medusa
Summary: Four Teenagers write a crackfic.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	The Big Write: WTF did we do (crack)

**Author's Note:**

> Please do note that this is not serious and just a crackfic written by me and my friends. 
> 
> Warnings: Please consult your psychologist before reading this. Side effects may include severe brain damage, 100% guarantee to lose brain cells, and the need to bathe in holy water after reading

The morning was a warm morning, the rays of sunlight hitting everything and everywhere. Subaru didn’t mind of course- he loved the morning and rays of sunshine, paired with a good cup of coffee, his day was guaranteed to be alright. 

Though there was a small problem. He didn’t have any sugar. The coffee was dark and bitter and tasted like, well, coffee. He spat out the coffee, spraying it on his favorite anime girl shirt. Little did he know that his friend, Boston Lobster, got shot in the face with the dark, bitter, and disgusting coffee. Somehow some of the coffee landed on his favorite food. Looking at Subaru he gave the glare of all glares, the glare of death.

Now, usually, Subaru didn’t normally didn’t piss off Boston Lobster- at least not often. But he knew the consequences of pissing off his dear friend. Boston Lobster liked to annoy Subaru in a certain way he knew that would absolutely annoy the guy- hugging him. Boston Lobster, while he didn’t like to be physically close to anyone due to people in general, but Subaru was a vampire- which meant that his body was cold. Boston Lobster latched onto Subaru like a crab and squeezed him as tightly as he could. Subaru shrieked in fear and attempted to grab the closest item nearest to him. It was the coffee cup. He flung it up wildly and the bit of coffee still in the cup poured out, drenching Boston Lobster’s head.

In the background, you could hear the amazing rat boy's voice(Luca Balsa) yelling “THIS BITCH EMPTY YEET”. While this fiasco was going on our wonderful protagonist Sinnamonfuck and her sidekick Laai were watching the whole ordeal with a box full of popcorn. Back to our fighting in hand Boston Lobster yeeted himself and a can of beans with the power of Rice.

Subaru managed to run away from Boston Lobster, who was still recovering from the coffee attack, who yelled “MY HAIR!!”. Boston Lobster ran away in haste, trying to get the hot coffee off of his head since the food soul didn’t like being physically hot, often having to discard articles of clothing to cool down. Subaru grinned happily- Boston Lobster wasn’t there anymore to annoy the everliving heck out of him, and for that, he was grateful. 

In the distance, Subaru could see a man with blonde hair and piercing green eyes running towards him like Sonic. “NII-SAN WHERE ARE YOU? LET'S KILL EACH OTHER!” the man yelled insanely. Subaru quickly moved to the side as the man dashed past him, going towards the still angry Boston Lobster. 

In the distance you could hear the angry screams of Boston Lobster saying that he is not this Ragna dude while Ragna himself was watching from a pretty safe distance and begging to the gods if (there were any)that J I N M O T H E R F U C K I N G K I S A R A G I doesn’t find him. While this was happening our dearest Embalmer(Aesop Carl) and his dearest friend Gravekeeper(Andrew Kress) were digging a grave for the soon to be dead Jin Kisaragi. 

Whilst they were preparing, as if God himself listened to Ragna’s prayers, a light shone through the sky, blinding everyone’s eyes. Out came Hatsune Miku, gliding gracefully down from the heavens with a shotgun ready to glock the fuck outta someone. She landed in between Jin and Boston Lobster, ceasing their argument. She turned to look at Jin, staring him dead in the eyes. Jin stared back, unflinching. From somewhere somehow, “Levan Polka” started playing, getting louder every second. Suddenly Miku broke into a wild dance, shooting her gun at random angles, hitting Jin and a bunch of random people in the process. Fortunately, though, it only hit their ankles due to her aiming downward the majority of the time. Though, Jin got the short end of the stick and got shot in both his ankles and his ice-cold heart.

Once the song was done, Miku took a bow, as if she were to be on stage with an audience, and with the power of God and anime on her side, Miku sprouted wings and flew back to the heavens, singing “Matryoshka” on her way back. Many of those who were injured by Miku’s random shooting was thankfully still alive since the ankles are not a vital region, though the same cannot be said for Jin. The Embalmer had to walk up to Jin’s dead, once warm, corpse, and drag it to where he dug a hole with the Gravekeeper. The Embalmer always had a coffin on hand, for whatever reason, as well as a bag filled with the necessary supplies to embalm a person, so the Embalmer went straight to work. Soon enough, the Embalmer finished Embalming, and so he closed the coffin on poor Jin Kisaragi, who was still dead. He and Gravekeeper then pushed the coffin into the ground and began to bury it. The coffin dance song could be heard in the distance. After burying for a good five minutes, the coffin was now 6 feet underground, the body enclosed in a tight space, no doubt never going to see the light of day again. The Embalmer and the Gravekeeper high-fived each other, something of which they didn’t often do since they worked with dead bodies that sometimes held unsightly things. 

And so our beloved Subaru watched this whole fucked up scene from the Background. He realized that all this fucked up shit happened because it all stemmed from him not putting sugar in his coffee and that a couple of teenagers decided that it was a good idea to write a story from three sentences. God bless the souls that were lost today and hope that this shit will never happen again. (Even tho it’s going to happen again unexpectedly)

The End


End file.
